I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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