i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize