dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
