did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize