Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
