remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh god it's open bar.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
