How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she pinky promised me she was 18
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
