i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
