uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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