my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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