Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
