Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
