Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
