I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
