and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
