she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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