help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
