Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
