what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
