It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
