Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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