my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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