just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
