The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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