The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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