I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
