she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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