he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
