Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
