Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
