If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
