i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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