I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
