If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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