if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
