Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
