rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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