they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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