70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
