So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
