i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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