if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
