I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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