so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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