farters have to be the big spoon...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't deserve a penis
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
