she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
