Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
