i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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