I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
