Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
