I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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