dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
