is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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