i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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