Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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