Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
