And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
