I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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