I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
