You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
