Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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