I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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