I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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