i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
