oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
