he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
