Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
