if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
