this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
