He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
