Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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