Cold hands, warm shart.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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