I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
why is half of my head shaved?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
