Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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