She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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